Times Are Tough
From: Samantha in HR
RE: Message From the CEO!
Guys, some of you may be wondering why your health insurance was canceled or who the tall men in black suits walking around affixing large “X” stickers to some of your chests are. Well, our CEO Joe Randazzo has written a little inspirational and informational note to explain everything. (If you came in today to find that you don’t have a computer or a desk, feel free to stop by my office to read it.)
Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t have to tell you that times are tough. Just look around, day in and day out, in every walk of life, and you’ll see that the times are tough. And when times are tough, the tough know it’s time to hunker down, tighten their belts, pick themselves up by their bootstraps, and get going.
Because these are tough times.
And tough times call for tough measures. Sales are down, unemployment is up, and innovation is stagnant. But we will persevere. But it won’t be easy. But no one said it would be easy and the reality is, at the end of the day, times are tough. Not easy. Tough.
Not any company can lose $313 million through terrible insect footwear investment strategies—not to mention an estimated 13,421 pending class-action lawsuits on every major continent and one Jovian moon—and bounce right back. Not every company can see its entire East Asian branch swallowed into the Earth during a cataclysmic event that may or may not have been caused by an experimental cobalt-ionization ray for future use in an underground black-arts proxy war for control of Cambodia’s buried mystic temples and make out all right. But not every company is TJRA. We are TJRA.
So here is our plan: We’re going to get tough. We’re going to rise to the occasion. We’re going to hit the ground running and come out on top. We’ll be as tough as the times we live in. Which are tough.
Most of you are fired.
So let’s buck up, suck it up, put up or shut up, do it on the up and up, and keep our chins up, because surf’s up and things are looking up, and we can’t give up because it’s time to man up and, remember, we don’t shut up we grow up, and when we look at our competition we throw up, and then their moms come around the corner and lick it up.
Thank you. Times are tough.